alohomorashlie
♔WONDERFUL TONIGHT♪

iphone420:

yesterday was my grandparents 45th anniversary and my grandma was like “if I had killed him 20 years ago I would be out of jail by now” and that basically sums them up

vanillabutts: ineedalight: YES THANK YOU FUCK I DON’T SPEAK SOME CRYPTIC LANGUAGE WHERE I MEAN NOTHING THAT I SAY JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A VAGINA This.

vanillabutts:

ineedalight:

YES THANK YOU FUCK I DON’T SPEAK SOME CRYPTIC LANGUAGE WHERE I MEAN NOTHING THAT I SAY JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A VAGINA

This.

365daysofeileen:

i miss the generations when a guy had to ask a girl out by asking her parents, where a girl could just be beautiful in a tshirt, where bubonic plagues decimated villages across europe and left a third of the population dead. reblog if u agree

flynnagan: face-down-asgard-up: ladyhistory: athenenoctua: pepsie: ect0biologist: kurobi: webbyghost: ponyscribblespony: chasefriedman: A SWALLOW? CARRYING A COCONUT?! Ah, but what is his airspeed velocity? African or European? It’s not a matter of where it grips it! A 5 ounce bird CANNOT carry a 1-lbs coconut! what is your favorite color! im so confused But the swallow may fly south with the sun SUPPOSE HE GRIPPED IT BY THE HUSK But then of course African swallows are not migratory. Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

flynnagan:

face-down-asgard-up:

ladyhistory:

athenenoctua:

pepsie:

ect0biologist:

kurobi:

webbyghost:

ponyscribblespony:

chasefriedman:

A SWALLOW? CARRYING A COCONUT?!

Ah, but what is his airspeed velocity?

African or European?

It’s not a matter of where it grips it! A 5 ounce bird CANNOT carry a 1-lbs coconut!

what is your favorite color!

im so confused

But the swallow may fly south with the sun

SUPPOSE HE GRIPPED IT BY THE HUSK

But then of course African swallows are not migratory.

Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

friend: someone told me you look like an owl
me: who?
the whole class bursts into a roaring flame of laughter. tears start to fall from their eyes from laughing so hard. the principal walks in the room and slaps his knee. the local animals come in and create waves of laughter. god is laughing so hard he cant breathe. jesus starts clapping his hands and cracking up. the laughter dies down after about 2 hours, and everybody goes home with the memory of the funniest joke they've ever heard.

petitedino:

punchself2:

THERE’S THIS GIRL SITTING IN FRONT OF ME ON THE PLANE AND I CAN SEE THAT SHE’S ON TUMBLR AND HER URL IS BLACK-WHITE-AND-BOLD AND IM SENDING HER ASKS ABOUT WHAT SHE’S WEARING AND WHAT ROW SHE’S IN AND SHE’S GETTING SO FREAKED OUT

tumblr trolling at it’s finest

queerqueenofcolor:

digatisdi:

So this thirteen year old girl just walked up and sat down next to me and I was so absorbed in Tumblr that I thought she was my dad and I was just like, “Hey dad— Oh. Well this is uncomfortable.” and she replies with, “You’re tellin’ me” and now we’re just sitting here awkwardly and I can’t move because there aren’t any other available seats at the gate.

LMFAO 

Unlikely things to read on a packet.

lordsexington:

purified-bymurder:

The invention of the shovel must have been groundbreaking.

I see what you did there

griefgod:

what if while your legs are asleep a murderer breaks into your house and you have to stanky leg away from him