yesterday was my grandparents 45th anniversary and my grandma was like “if I had killed him 20 years ago I would be out of jail by now” and that basically sums them up
YES THANK YOU FUCK I DON’T SPEAK SOME CRYPTIC LANGUAGE WHERE I MEAN NOTHING THAT I SAY JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A VAGINA
i miss the generations when a guy had to ask a girl out by asking her parents, where a girl could just be beautiful in a tshirt, where bubonic plagues decimated villages across europe and left a third of the population dead. reblog if u agree
A SWALLOW? CARRYING A COCONUT?!
Ah, but what is his airspeed velocity?
African or European?
It’s not a matter of where it grips it! A 5 ounce bird CANNOT carry a 1-lbs coconut!
what is your favorite color!
im so confused
But the swallow may fly south with the sun
SUPPOSE HE GRIPPED IT BY THE HUSK
But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
THERE’S THIS GIRL SITTING IN FRONT OF ME ON THE PLANE AND I CAN SEE THAT SHE’S ON TUMBLR AND HER URL IS BLACK-WHITE-AND-BOLD AND IM SENDING HER ASKS ABOUT WHAT SHE’S WEARING AND WHAT ROW SHE’S IN AND SHE’S GETTING SO FREAKED OUT
tumblr trolling at it’s finest
So this thirteen year old girl just walked up and sat down next to me and I was so absorbed in Tumblr that I thought she was my dad and I was just like, “Hey dad— Oh. Well this is uncomfortable.” and she replies with, “You’re tellin’ me” and now we’re just sitting here awkwardly and I can’t move because there aren’t any other available seats at the gate.
Unlikely things to read on a packet.
holy shit I am crYING LAUGHING
The invention of the shovel must have been groundbreaking.
I see what you did there