I’m not good on my own I’m awful left all by myself left to loneliness with only a cat for my company

and I only saw Dustin for about an hour today

and I won’t see him until 3 tomorrow

and there are noises

and I know they’re probably just the cat

but there are noises

and I am alone

and just

.________________________.

I don’t even want to go to sleep cos UGH alone gross

which is laughable isn’t it because if I sleep I could make the time go by faster, right???

;A;

So last night this kitty wandered into mine and Dustin’s yard. He found her while taking out the garbage and she came right up to him, friendly and gentle as can be. I went outside and we played with her for a bit and debated what to do with her.

I didn’t want to bring her inside and steal someone’s kitty, who might very well be wondering where she is, but I felt uneasy leaving her outside to risk being hit by a car. We contemplated calling animal control, but that makes me REALLY nervous, because I can never quite trust what they’ll do and, given how friendly and sweet she is (upon opening the door, she ran right to it and tried to walk inside) it’s obvious she’s not a stray and someone must own her.

We tried bringing her inside, when we were still debating calling animal control, but the moment she saw Keesha, she began hissing, so we put her back outside, hoping that she’d make her way home safely. She wound up leaving after a bit and I crossed my fingers Dustin wouldn’t find her smashed in a road.

When I woke up today, Keesha was laying on a box at the sliding glass doors, facing the patio where the kitty was hanging out, and she hung out there all day. Just now, when I passed into the kitchen to grab something to drink, I found Keesha at the window and heard a noise. Sure enough, the kitty is back.

I went outside to pet her and, you know, tell her to go home, and when I looked at the glass doors, Keesha was standing against the window, flicking her tail and the kitty was doing that wary kitty thing. When I went inside, Keesha’s tail was still flicking and the other kitty was standing on the recycling bin, hissing and flicking her tail, and basically they’re having this hissy growly meowy stand off and

IT’S ONE PART AMUSING

ONE PART ANNOYING

AND PLEASE KITTY GO HOME :((((

IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN TAKE YOU IN IF NO ONE DOES BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HATE MY CAT!

SHHHHHHH

I know I know bragging about followers is gross but

alfjdlakfjdklaj

I just hit 500 and I’m sitting here in awe that so many people actually follow me and read things I write and reblog things I do and basically like the same things I do and for those who have different opinions than me still follow me anyway because something about me must be likeable and redeemable and just

<3

I DON’T KNOW GUYS THERE’S NOT A LOT I CAN GIVE BACK TO YOU. My writing is icky lately and all but just

Thank you for being around and talking to me when I’m sad and talking to me when I’m happy and getting me into new books and tv shows and talking to me about those, too, and changing the way I view the world and helping to shape me into a much more decent person. Thank you for dealing with my changing fandoms and my spams and everything. You guys are fantastic and I love having you around and

yeah

Danicus abandoned me on AIM and I haven’t seen Ama all day (I assume she’s been busy with umma or having a life or something exciting) and Crystal signed on AND SIGNED OFF IMMEDIATELY and Conner had a date tonight and

I JUST

FEEL

VERY ALONE

ON AIM

TONIGHT

CLINGY FEELINGS ARE COMING OUT

waaah :’(

ugh last night during another weird mood spiral I went to lay in the room because my new default for dealing with empty feelings is to curl up in the dark

and at one point Dustin came in and curled up to me and held me for a little bit

and when he asked me what was wrong

all I could tell him was “I don’t know” and then cried

(I’m feeling mostly better today, but I keep thinking about that stupid moment, and my relief that either he understood I didn’t really know or he just chose not to question me)

JESUS CHRIST CRAMPS GO AWAY

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

MY DAY STARTED OUT WITH SUPER AMAZING SEX HOW DID IT SPIRAL OUT SO BADLY LIKE THIS UGH

going to go cry wah

Today feels like Saturday and it has me all kinds of discombobulated so I’m going to curl up on the couch and read or maybe pretend to write or something and try and figure out what the hell I should do for dinner cos do not wanna cook tonight.

s i g h

I’m reading The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of her Own Making, by the way! I’d read part of it when the author had posted it online and I’m so delighted to finally be reading it in full and just lafjdlakjdk yes

anyway yes hi hello today feels weird

Trying my absolute best to remember this dream because it was good. Not great or amazing, but good and interesting, and made use of a lot of real people PLUS their personalities - which never happens - and a bunch of curious imaginary people. And like… there was logic and sense of reason and it had history that either played out or I automatically knew, but it didn’t jump around and I can’t remember NAMES now but UGH IT WAS JUST REALLY REALLY GOOD and I wish I could have recorded it for rewatching or something cos I felt lovely when I woke up even though I really really REALLY had to pee.

so I let my hair go curly for the first time since cutting it - and by curly, I mean due to my hair being dumb (Crystal tells me as I grow the proteins in my hair change blah blah point is) the front part is curly and the back is sorta wavy-straight. Anyway, this means the front of my hair fluffed, frazzled, and now poofs out again and it’s high school all over.

I’m torn between horror at my poodle hair and a weird endearing love for it.

I’ll probably straighten it tomorrow though.

STILL.

have had a lovely night chat with a couple friends involving

• sex and inner pornstars
• douchebros of the past
• even MORE douchebros of the past
• friends who disappear without reason
• and the subsequent pain
• a cathartic ridding of Tommy
• angsty pains about friends who no longer are
• blah blah love is grossly ruinated by media

Now I want to curl up in a ball but I’m not sad?

Just

???? feels

New hair! I’d told the stylist longer, but after the layering, it wound up like this and I am IN LOVE. It’s been since I was 12 that I cut my hair anywhere shorter than past my shoulders and tfuhydf ugh I just love how it looks. :33 (You should see how MUCH hair I cut off - it was at my hips whoops D: much lighter and nicer now!)

Getting my hair cut in an hour and a half (eeeeek it’s down to my hips and I’m cutting it to my shoulder blades help I’m scared) and then on my way hooooome yaaaay yay yay :3

Keesha will be happy, once she gets o Dr being in the cage again and sees her home again, not solitary confinement hahaha poor baby :(

So I wound up staying up all night to read Cinder and greatly lament that the next book isn’t out until February gdedhbubgcrchv there are two companion short stories I need to find because dammit I am hooked. The writing, the story, the pacing - it was all marvelous and I was left anxious for more at the end. ;~; 

Dammit, I want more give me mooore! 

And I found out there will be FOUR books I am getting too old for this reader anxiety* :( Just give me books now please. 

It’s just been so long since I went through a book so eagerly and wow, I’ve missed this feeling so much. Waaah! 

This post comes to you from my new Kindle, eeeeeek! 

Also: there is now WiFi at the in-laws fthydesedyhjf 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still not fully sure how this thing + apps works, but at least I have some books on here. Cinder is as A+ as I had hoped and I am trying v hard not to read it all in one night. It has been /ages/ since I devoured a book so hungrily. 

One of these days, we will come to Dustin’s parents’ house and there will be WiFi.

This is not one of those days.

V good friend of mine emailed me some Kindle-format books, so going to McDonald’s later today to use the free WiFi and download them. Apparently, this is what the teens around here do: hang out in McDonald’s parking lot using free WiFi.

I feel like a proper small-town teen again. Eurgh.

Need to hit Walmart, anyway.